Sometimes, no matter how hard you work, no matter how responsible you try to be, something falls through the cracks. You miss an event, you're late, something just doesn't go as planned. Sometimes the repercussions for your one screw up are serious, as in you get fired or told how irresponsible you are. And in that moment the person that said that was right.... in that moment. It isn't an overall reflection of how you are, just a single mess up, and a minor one at that. It's not as though you killed someone or broke a law. You simply forgot an event or meeting and that's what happened. I missed an event for a company I JUST got hired on to work for. It's just a catering company. Another sub-par job to support myself while living in this city. I suppose, deep down, I didn't really want the job. I was in no way excited to begin working for catering company number 2. So maybe it was my subconscious just saying "whoa there, let's not kill yourself with jobs."

I think I am the most afraid to take the first step. With anything. I think lots of people are. The first day of school, the first dance class back in a while, the first rehearsal. All those things can be pretty overwhelming, but until you take that first step you aren't able to discern if it's wonderful or just something you're glad you at least gave a chance.

It's even more difficult when you don't have a set schedule as to what to do and where to be. We go from living 20 years or so with a school schedule and then if you don't get a 9-5 right after you graduate, then you are left to being responsible for and to yourself. This is rarely enough motivation for me to push forward. However, I know that I should. Knowing and doing are two very different things.

Moral of the story, my apologies go out to the catering company that I was supposed to work for today. I desperately hope that it didn't cause to much harm for the lady in charge of staffing.

xoxo Cassie