what are we chasing?

Ya know, it hasn't been until lately, or the past few years rather, that I've been able to see the world for what it is, for what it's moving towards.  The pursuit of money, power, fame, or even just false security in these things.  It seems as though we are pursuing these, hoping that they will somehow give us love and security. Most people are either battling a love of money and success, or have already given in to it.  This world seems to speak the language of money more fluently than anything else.  I know this is a big "duh" but it is still so baffling and wearisome.

 

I feel so frustrated, so often, because I am constantly taking one step forward and two steps back.  The second I get on my feet again it seems as though something knocks me down or keeps me from moving forward.  I have to practically force myself to LISTEN in the quietness to the small truths I've taken so long to learn.  Simple truths like "love yourself, no matter what, your value is deep" or "relationships with God and with others are where you will find meaning" and "security should be found in God not in things of this world"....

This is the result of me being off my feet and stuck in my room for the past two days.  I don't handle injuries well, it freaks me out to be quite honest.  What if I can't dance? Can't do my job? Have to spend way to much money to see a doctor?  Then what?  This is the result of me thinking and worrying and placing my hope and trust in things that aren't lasting.

So this is a reminder for myself that God will provide in easy and tough times.  So Chill Out.

Yes, Chill Out indeed.

Also, my job is going really good.  I'm learning to dance in heels, and that dancing in heels can be painful.  Being in Atlantic City is... different.  Living in a Casino... very different.  Having a gigantic bed to sleep in every night? love it.  Performing for a really huge audience every night? Love it.  Injuring my foot on the 5th show in?  not so cool.  Prayers needed in that area. 

Two funny stories about opening night:  first of all, i get wheeled out on a school desk and I am just wearing a towel (or that's what it looks like) and when Simon (the male singer who wheels me out) takes his hands off the back of the desk, both the desk and I topple forward and I fall on my butt.  I had one of those "oh shit" moments for about .2 seconds, and then (thank you improv) I played it off, pretending to cry and get upset.  The audience laughed and thought it was supposed to be that way as did the other guys onstage.  Classic moment indeed.  That gets added to my theatrical oh shit moments as well as the School House Rock dance fiasco and when Lindsey Magid's wig fell off in The Women.  All hilarious and terrifying.  

The same night, right in the front row is the best audience member ever.  This woman was basically standing in the front row and danced through the entire show.  If she wasn't standing she was sitting on the edge of her seat with her hands groovin'.  lol, good thing it's that kind of show.  She made my night.

Well that's all, I hope everyone is great!

xoxo from Atlantic City

Because My Sister Said So

So, as requested by my wonderful sister so that she could keep up with the madness that is my life, the blogging begins. I've actually been going crazy the past four weeks because I haven't been journaling, so this will be a nice alternative to pen and paper. Mostly because it doesn't make my hand as tired... lazy, I know.
So from Oklahoma to Tampa, Tampa back to Oklahoma (with the addition of a pretty fantastic guy) and then to NYC, my life has been all over the place the past few years. I basically had everything planned out until this point. I knew I was going to go to collge, preferably somewhere out of state. I knew I was going to move to NYC eventually after college (or atleast desperately hoped that would happen), and I knew I wanted to make my duckets by singing and dancing (that's where the part about me being Nuts comes in). But once I got to NYC, I had NO idea what was going to happen. nd let's be honest there have been less than pleasant nights where I've gotten pretty worried and sad etc... because I felt like I was NUTS for doing this.
The really frustrating part comes when I try to apply for a job... or ANYTHING that doesn't involve singing/dancing/theatre, cause well, let be honest, I'm just... well, not qualified. (But in my defense I'm a quick learner).
example #1: I walked into a restaraunt yesterday and said "Hi, are you hiring" and he said, "Sure, just give me your name and number" Then the manager piped in in his NY accent and said "Wher'd you wherk before" and I said "In a restaraunt in Oklahoma" and he just laughed and said "Well, I'ts a different wo'ld up here missy"...... people suck.

On a happy note! Ive been in the city just about a month now and have experience a multitude of awesome things. Let's cover a few:

-Awesome Thing # 1: My first audition was for the Broadway Show, The Little Mermaid, just a dancer call, but they actually saw the non-equity people. It was great fun and I couldn't stop smiling by the end of it!

-# 2: (more funny than awesome) I regressed back to my cheerleading days and was invited to audition for a Pontiac NCAA commercial... we had to make up a cheer with a partner... when I walked into the room there were a bunch of girls in cheer uniforms, tiny cheer shorts with mid-drifts showing annnnd I basically just wanted to leave. It's not that I didn't enjoy that part of my life, but it's over and that's truly for the best. Trust me. BUT the stupid commercial would have paid 1200 bucks, so knowing that I gladly tucked my pride away and cheered my little heart out (cheesy smile and spirit fingers included). I didn't get that job. It's like they could smell the "ugh" on me.

-# 3: Then there is this awesome place where you can pay ONE time and for a month you get live concerts, hip hop dancing/break dancing, ethnic music, free rides, and people preaching the good news of Jesus.* That's right, the Subway. Now the down side of this magical place is the smell of urine, walking past people and not knowing if they're dead or sleeping andpeople constantly asking you for money (I'm a softy and I give when my heart says so, and I wish I could everytime, but I would go broke). And then there's something that can only be SEEN in the NYC Subway (drum roll please) germs. That's right SEEN. You heard it here first.

*I actually love these people. They have MUCH bigger... well you know, they are much braver than me. True story.

-Awesome thing # 4, after about 3 weeks of auditioning I made it into a show! My first post-college, professional gig :) The audition experience was great (loooong, but great) and the people casting and producing the show are SO nice! I sang first and they kept me for call backs that day, and then again for the next day. The next day was also the dancer call, so I figured there'd be no harm in dancing, so I did. After the dance call they chose 3 of us and they asked me to be a dancer AND a singer in the show! I was STOKED! And will be starting rehearsals for Celebration of 60's on March 22. The show runs in Atlantic City at the Tropicana Showroom from April 13th through June 8th! YAY!





Well, that's all for now. Peace and love from Washington Heights!