what are we chasing?

Ya know, it hasn't been until lately, or the past few years rather, that I've been able to see the world for what it is, for what it's moving towards.  The pursuit of money, power, fame, or even just false security in these things.  It seems as though we are pursuing these, hoping that they will somehow give us love and security. Most people are either battling a love of money and success, or have already given in to it.  This world seems to speak the language of money more fluently than anything else.  I know this is a big "duh" but it is still so baffling and wearisome.

 

I feel so frustrated, so often, because I am constantly taking one step forward and two steps back.  The second I get on my feet again it seems as though something knocks me down or keeps me from moving forward.  I have to practically force myself to LISTEN in the quietness to the small truths I've taken so long to learn.  Simple truths like "love yourself, no matter what, your value is deep" or "relationships with God and with others are where you will find meaning" and "security should be found in God not in things of this world"....

This is the result of me being off my feet and stuck in my room for the past two days.  I don't handle injuries well, it freaks me out to be quite honest.  What if I can't dance? Can't do my job? Have to spend way to much money to see a doctor?  Then what?  This is the result of me thinking and worrying and placing my hope and trust in things that aren't lasting.

So this is a reminder for myself that God will provide in easy and tough times.  So Chill Out.

Yes, Chill Out indeed.

Also, my job is going really good.  I'm learning to dance in heels, and that dancing in heels can be painful.  Being in Atlantic City is... different.  Living in a Casino... very different.  Having a gigantic bed to sleep in every night? love it.  Performing for a really huge audience every night? Love it.  Injuring my foot on the 5th show in?  not so cool.  Prayers needed in that area. 

Two funny stories about opening night:  first of all, i get wheeled out on a school desk and I am just wearing a towel (or that's what it looks like) and when Simon (the male singer who wheels me out) takes his hands off the back of the desk, both the desk and I topple forward and I fall on my butt.  I had one of those "oh shit" moments for about .2 seconds, and then (thank you improv) I played it off, pretending to cry and get upset.  The audience laughed and thought it was supposed to be that way as did the other guys onstage.  Classic moment indeed.  That gets added to my theatrical oh shit moments as well as the School House Rock dance fiasco and when Lindsey Magid's wig fell off in The Women.  All hilarious and terrifying.  

The same night, right in the front row is the best audience member ever.  This woman was basically standing in the front row and danced through the entire show.  If she wasn't standing she was sitting on the edge of her seat with her hands groovin'.  lol, good thing it's that kind of show.  She made my night.

Well that's all, I hope everyone is great!

xoxo from Atlantic City